Have you ever found yourself pulling over on a side street to eat a falaffel on your way to visit a friend at a rehab center only to realize that you accidentally pulled in front of the house a professor you're madly in love with?
Well that happened to my Jewish boyfriend and me today. I was in the middle of a delicious olive and lettuce sandwich from Subway and suddenly I spotted my professor's - let's call him Juan - car in the driveway. I immediately directed my boyfriend to another location where we sat eating a little more peacefully near some scuzzy apartments.
Later on in our travels, we were nearly assaulted when a little girl in a pastel purple t-shirt began hopping towards the car. My boyfriend - who we'll call Sherman - quickly locked the car doors just in time. The little girl then ran into a nearby location, presumably her home, so a crisis was averted yet again.
Even later on in the evening, I attended a meeting with a group for a class entitled "Gender, Race, and Class in the Media" at a cafe named after a Red Lion. Since I'm not hip to the culture of youngsters, they soon informed me that 'iPhone people' and 'Blackberry people' are in a war against one another all across the country. They asked me quickfire questions about whether I knew what "3G" was or if I had a "Shazaam app" or something along those lines.
I told them I like my Blackberry (which until this point I thought was the cool phone to have) and jokingly insisted that any phone that John Mayer endorses is okay with me (I again mistakenly believed that John Mayer is cool with the kids). I instantly got the response from a young, dark-haired beauty that "friends who have met John Mayer" say he is a "douche".
"Why would you like a phone endorsed by a douche?"
Since I've never had this question posed to me before I had no answer.
"I'm much older than you. When I was in high school we didn't know he was a douche yet."
So that was the end of that. I was the weird old auntie until I got back in their good graces with my superb knowledge of the Kardashian sisters and my dislike of the new E! series "Pretty Wild". Ironically, the young lady in my group who was offered to attend a "Super Sweet 16" party by a "fat-ish Indian girl" was quite disturbed that the family featured on Pretty Wild is "too rich for no reason."
At one point I thought it would be an interesting idea to tell them that my father did drugs and my mother is a long-haired hippie with problems of her own but I let sleeping dogs lie.
I really like the people in my group actually. I rarely have opportunities to see young people's minds spinning. I like to watch it and feel like a rebel. Sometimes I wear my mall-bought leather jacket to up the ante.
"Yeah, I'm pretty rebellious, Gang," I would mutter to them under a cloud of fake cigarette smoke. "I have a Blackberry and I like John Mayer. What can I say? I'm into vintage like Nicole Richie. I'm really deep into 2009 retro right now."
Sorry this was stupid but that's what you get and if you don't like it, I'm not telling you to read it.
Good luck with life, Kiddies!
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