Busy Days, Boring Nights

Sometimes I feel like such a loser. I'm 24 and while in those 24 years I've managed to make a few really incredible friends, I haven't really made that many as a sum total - or at least ones that I actually enjoy hanging out with. I don't know if it's me or them but usually I feel like it's too big an effort to make conversation and try to be genuinely interested in things that I'm only half listening to.

My wonderful boyfriend always tells me that the guys I hang out with (and therefore flirt with) are not "good looking" and when I start hanging out with attractive guys he'll start being worried. I do have a tendency to flirt with people that are not necessarily conventionally attractive. They're usually losers that are stuck in their parent's house and have no care that they're nearing 30 years old and don't have a job or a car. I like to pride myself in finding the good in people - even if it's buried way deep inside there. Lately though it seems as if my only friends are the losers and the scariest part is that some of these losers think I'm a loser.

I should clarify. It's not because of any of the usual reasons like I'm ugly or have no money, it's more because I don't drink enough Pabst Blue Ribbon, can't tell the difference between whiskeys, and don't like ska music. I know it should be a good thing to be considered a loser under these parameters but with a small selection of people I actually can stand to be around, it's rough. It's difficult to explain. When I hang around with guys like this, I genuinely do find qualities I like about them. A lot of people who have spent a lot of time watching funny television shows and sitting around drinking beer for the past decade can have really interesting stories. They're easy going and certainly don't judge anyone. They don't want to go to any snooty clubs where drinks are $12 each and there's definitely not an slimy pick-up lines or scumbag trash talking. It's basically sitting in someone's backyard or a local pub and talking about music or childhood - which I've always enjoyed. Since there's no fakery, the conversation is always upfront and pretty cool.

I know I should be hanging out with girls that like John Mayer and want to go to Forever 21 with me but show me one girl like that (other than the best one that lives too far) who is actually fun to be around. I do want friends with similar interests to me but they're all pretty ridiculous. What matters far more than those superficial qualities is the genuine feeling behind a friendship. I like to sit down and have a real conversation with someone and try to make them laugh. I want to go out, drink, have fun, and come home and feel like I lived a little. Although this rarely happens, when it does it's a great feeling. I feel like my mind is slightly jumbled right now with the heat and the fact that I'm kind of crazy in general but I want to find a way to meet more people that share my sensibilities, not my interests. The few people I know now disappoint me and let me down - and I shouldn't be disappointed by these people! I want to meet people that are so awesome I am rightfully disappointed if they don't call me on a Friday night.

I guess it's going to be another boring evening after work.